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Friday, April 14, 2017

The Daily Combover - April 13, 2017

Donald Trump isn't that dumb. He's pretty far down, but he's at least as smart as a dog.

After dogs learn that if they bring the ball back, you'll throw it again, they will keep the game going as long as their legs can handle it. So when the media rewards Trump for firing off 59 Tomahawk missiles into Syria, he tops it the best way he can. By dropping the largest non-nuclear bomb known to man onto the 3rd most populous center in Afghanistan.

And, as expected, the media dropped everything and ran over to gush about Trump's prowess at pushing the red button. Big names in the media like Fareed Zakaria couldn't help themselves but praise Trump for his actions. But so far it looks like the American people aren't buying it.  Maybe they know Zakaria's words aren't worth the oxygen used to breath them, or maybe it's that we've had all the war our generation can handle. But the polling bump dissipated after one day.

So the real question to ask is what was Trump trying to distract the media from seeing? The Daily Combover finds three possibilities.

1. Today behind closed doors, Trump signed a bill defunding Planned Parenthood.

2. Today another major piece of the Steele Dossier was verified.  We now have 'Concrete Evidence' of Russian Collusion.

3. Trump's attempt at diplomacy with China went so badly that war with North Korea is inevitable and he had to flex his flabby muscles. Well at least the chocolate cake was good.

It's possible that all three may have been a factor, but then, we've already proven Trump has the brain of a small dog which means, aside from caring about food (Evidence A: chocolate cake), Trump can only care about two other things at a time (Evidence B: himself; Evidence C: whatever is on Fox & Friends). So my guess is that the Puppetmaster, Jared Kushner, is getting worried about TrumpRussia and told Dear Daddy Donnie to throw some shade over Afghanistan.

But that's not all.

Today the Fontange Fuhrer really wanted to do a number to his approval rating so he threatened to strip healthcare subsidies to try to force Democrats to vote for #SwampCare. He's willing to gamble the lives of tens of millions of Americans away to try to force Democrats to gamble the lives of tens of millions of Americans away.  There's no way they'll bite. It did, however, extract the latest bit of racist stupidity from one Jeffrey Lord, alt-right representative to CNN. Lord compared Trump favorably to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and then doubled-down on that comparison when called out on it.
Catch you on the flip side.

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