Bob

Not great, Bob.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

The Daily Combover - January 17, 2017

Many of our past presidents have played golf while in office. Some pretty well. Others, not so much. But few have used it as a feature of their qualification for office as much as Trump has.  Today, he reminded us of that once again with a Retweet of his Golf Magazine cover, originally tweeted by his son, Eric.
And now for the #DailyCombover.

It was going to be a long day for Trump. He had just closed off the night with a series of Tweets about his daughter, so we knew he'd be a little worked up this morning.


He picked up his phone this morning at 6am sharp and let the world know how excited he was about his guests for the Inauguration. But as he flipped through the RSVPs, he found them a little short. Luckily he had just received word from a tremendous group of people. The finest group that he could think of. You'd be lucky to have these guys at a party. So he proudly announced:


I know you are seething with jealousy at this point, but let's come back to Earth for a moment. The latest approval numbers came out today and Trump is sitting at a W-esque 34%. At this time in 2009, President Obama was sitting at a nice round 80%. Not bad for Trump. He's almost halfway there.  Ok there's no sugar-coating it. He's at the worst historical position a President has ever been in. It may be due to the rampant divisive racism or the treasonous love-affair with all things Putin (and yes, Putin really did say that the intelligence leak was "worse than prostitutes" -- the man clearly knows a few things about that). Or his pee fetish. But he's carrying less than half the approval rating that George W. Bush had when he was inaugurated.

So, what do you do if you are Trump? Do you ignore the numbers and focus on other things? Of course not. You attack the polls and the pollsters:
On his way to get his Daily Combover, Trump felt very Presidential for a moment and rapidly shot out a pair of Tweets about job growth.  He couldn't remember any details, but he just knew it had to have been some "big stuff" that he'd already accomplished.  Satisfied, he looked out of window of his limo with disdain at the peons in Manhattan and presumably was reminded of a certain Civil Rights hero:

I guess Senator Ben Sasse couldn't get through to him in time.

It was a long appointment because they were testing the new cross-comb-reverse-fluff-over for the inauguration, so Trump took a little nap on the chair. He woke up three hours later after a nice dream which made him so happy that he decided to get on Twitter to gloat about his victory and really rub it in a little more with an update from The Trump News Network Breitbart.


Finally it was time to start the day and watch Betsy DeVos's confirmation hearing. I'll leave you with a reminder to call your local Senator and demand that they DeNy DeVos.

No comments:

Post a Comment